There is a story/analogy about squirrels that I read four years ago and still think about regularly. I’ve read it probably a dozen times and I continue to think about how this analogy about squirrels applies to me.
I won’t try to repeat the actual thought experiment about squirrels here (you should go read it later, even if it is a little bit of a heady article overall). For now, I’ll tell you what I get from it and why I’m thinking about it this morning.
When something goes well in my life, I’m tempted to settle in and ride that win for a while. There can be a kind of satisfaction I experience, which is good but which also makes me content to settle for that one moment of satisfaction. I wonder how many times I’ve left other opportunities or momentum on the table?
Satisfaction is an emotional experience that says, “you’ve done good work it’s okay to rest now.” I wonder if I’m too quick to settle for “it’s okay to rest now.”
Just yesterday, my wife and I had some really good conversations with friends about some changes going on in our community. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, these changes, but the connection and honesty and space to just be heard in both directions was really…satisfying.
Today, I’m thinking about two different kinds of squirrels. There may be ones who find an acorn and think, “job well done” and that’s that. But there are also ones who find an acorn under a tree and recognize, “acorns come from trees and if I found one there are probably more to be had!”
I could decide to rest and feel the genuine satisfaction from a meaningful conversation with friends, and that’s in part what I’ve been doing this morning prior to writing this dispatch. Reflecting and appreciating and expressing gratitude in my own way for those friends and that conversation.
But we have other friends, also involved in some of the change happening, and, well, “acorns come from tress and if I found one there are probably more to be had.”
The sense of satisfaction I feel, it’s possible I could use that to build more momentum for more conversation, more connecting, more investing in relationships.
Satisfaction, as I said before, call tell us it’s okay to rest, that our effort was worth it. But, I’m realizing later in life, satisfaction can also be a means for finding meaning for more effort, continued striving, building momentum. Wisdom is knowing when to rest and when to invest.
In this season, I am ready for full-on investing. But I know that isn’t where everyone is, which is why we need one another—maybe now more than ever before in our lifetimes.
As the drama over mask requirements spikes with school starting, the Delta variant rages, and the climate crisis reports confirm some of the worst short-term fears, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, hopeless, and helpless. Never mind the things happening in the lives of individuals that can be so easily overshadowed, minimized, and forgotten (by others as well as ourselves).
But I’ve had a handful of genuine moments of connection and understanding and relationship this week. And as I read through my regular weekend newsletter subscriptions this morning, I was reminded that what I was feeling was a sense of hope. Not a guarantee of what could be, but through these relationships, a reminder of what is possible.
"Remember: hope isn't about what's likely, but about what's possible."
@andrehenry
And that, in turn, reminded me of my own definition of optimism, which I’ve shared before and relates here.
What we all have now, and always will, is choice.
Whether it’s Covid or politics or the climate crisis or changes in your own local community or shifting responsibilities at work or disappointment with a friendship or…anything.
We always have choices about how we show up, how we think about others, how we interact with others, how we contribute to solutions, and what we believe is possible.
What we all have now, and always will, is choice.
What comes most natural or how we’ve learned to navigate the world to this point—it’s not guaranteed to be helpful or effective. So we have to stay self-aware, open to changing ourselves, and seeking out new ways of being hopeful and optimistic.
There are hard things in our lives and there are hard choices to make. There are hard conversations to have and there are hard realities we have to face.
That doesn’t change the fact that you and I will always have the ability to find possibilities, to seek out momentum, to build on small moments of satisfaction or connection or joy. This isn’t a message of “everything will be alright, everything happens for a reason.” I fully reject that. But I also reject that we’re just passengers without any ability to influence our individual or collective story.
We get to make a thousand choices every single day. Please just keep choosing with a sense of what is possible even if we can’t guarantee the outcome.
Since I just sent out my last dispatch last week, this section will be shorter for today.
Podcasts
The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill: “Who Killed Mars Hill?” I’ve been really reluctant to start this one for various reasons, knowing I probably needed to be in the right headspace (and I wasn’t sure if listening to it would do me any good), but I did listen to episode 1 yesterday. We will see how far into it I go.
Daring to Lead with Brené Brown: “Brené with Michael Bungay Stanier on The Advice Trap and Staying Curious Just a Little Longer” So, so good and chock-full of wisdom. This relates to my role as a coach and developer of other people, but literally everyone can benefit from this listen.
Links to Check Out
Mood as Extrapolation Engine: Using Emotions to Generate Momentum: This is the article linked above, where the analogy of the squirrels came from.
Code Red for Humanity: It’s not the most comforting read, but it’s kind of essential to understand that the increase in climate crisis realities is only going to increase for at least the next 30 years. That’s the minimum at this point.
For the Road
This is an excerpt from Nadia Bolz-Weber’s newsletter, The Corners. I think you’ll see its relevance:
An Admiral in the US Navy, James Stockdale survived 8 years as a POW in a North Vietnamese prison camp. When asked who of his fellow prisoners struggled to make it out alive he replied,
“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart….”
So the “Stockdale Paradox” is the ability to hold two opposing but equally true things at once:
You must have faith that you will prevail in the end
And at the same time you must confront the brutal facts of your current reality.
Post Script
I lost access to my Instagram account this past week. Long story short, I had to do a factory reset on my phone and lost access to my two-factor authentication source for Insta. There’s a small chance I can get it back, but alas, I started a new account because I was going through withdrawals.