Why I Try to Not Think About the Tomatoes I Eat
Thriving, lycopene, and trying to trust wonder
The wilderness constantly reminds me that wholeness is not about perfection. – Parker Palmer
Every week, my company hosts “Question Friday.” It’s optional, an informal opportunity for anyone to come together on Zoom. Each month, one person volunteers to be the “Question Master.” They come ready with a prompt, of any kind and in any direction, to ask of those who have gathered. An average of 15-20 people joined and each one takes 2-3 minutes to share their response to the prompt.
Yesterday’s prompt was: “What does thriving mean to you?”
For some, thriving means getting a little bit better every day. For others, its being in a place to explore and take risks. Still, some see it as being free from rigid definitions and having acceptance and belonging.
I shared a few of my thoughts.
Thriving isn’t something I can define or measure on a small timescale. I would struggle to define any day as an “I am thriving” day - or even a week, maybe even a month. The regular ups and downs make it too hard, with any measure of clarity, to say “I’m thriving” in just a single snapshot.
One of the things I’ve been thinking about recently (I didn’t say this part during Question Friday) is how much I hate lycopene. Or at least, I hate knowing that lycopene is a thing. (I know this seems unrelated. It’s going somewhere.)
I’m not going to talk about lycopene in any detail, other than to say it’s in tomatoes, and somewhere along the way I learned it might be good for me. For my health, that is.
This summer, as I was slicing fresh-from-the-garden tomatoes like those from my garden pictured above, I remember catching myself thinking, “These have lycopene” — with an understanding, a suggestion that I was making a good choice for my nutrition and health.
And that’s when I decided I hate knowing about lycopene.
I eat tomatoes because they are juicy and sweet, with a little tang. And I can grow my own. They’re great in a salad, on a burger, obliterated into salsa, slathered on a pizza crust, and (when they’re still green) battered and fried.
That’s enough reason to eat a tomato. I don’t ever need to think about lycopene. I’m trying not to think about my tomatoes. I simply want to enjoy them.
(I’m beginning to feel a similar way about dopamine, but that’s another post.)
How does this relate to thriving?
If we’re constantly adding to the list of things we need to quantify, calculate, optimize, perfect, consume, and apply to ourselves—how can that lead to anywhere other than some measure of perfectionism, obsession, anxiety, and a lingering sense that we’ll never be satisfied and always fall short?
Thinking about lycopene while I slice and eat tomatoes tempts me into a utilitarian view of the world, of my food. That the food is a sum of the nutritional value it provides me. That food is primarily about calories and nutrients and inputs. That the value of food is only or at least primarily about the molecules and compounds that they provide me body. That this is a transaction between food and my body and I can get it right. I can perfect it.
Thriving can’t be about perfection. That mathematical lens, when applied to living a full life, will leave me void of satisfaction and blaming myself for failing short of perfection.
Perfectionists aren't people who get things perfect. They are people who want perfection and think perfection is attainable. It's a recipe for endless striving, predictable exhaustion, and compounding disappointment. And so I think we all need to count less. Less counting, less measuring, less optimizing. It’s not that we shouldn’t care about our health, our habits, our consumption, our impact on ourselves and others and the environment. But is the transactional, perfectionist view of the world actually serving me? You? Us?
For me, I’m going to do what I can to stay open to wonder, curiosity, and learning. I trust that those things will serve me well and perhaps lead to thriving. That’s where I see possibility today.
To Check Out
Currently Reading:
Master of Change: How to Excel When Everything Is Changing - Including You by Brad Stulberg
Billed as a “book club app,” it’s a viable alternative to Goodreads (owned by Amazon). I was able to very quickly import all of my reading lists, ratings, and reviews over from GR and into Fable. Let me know if you try it out and want to connect.
The Divine Comedy of Pete Holmes: Spirituality, Creativity, & Growing Through Adversity / The Rich Roll Podcast
“It’s time to grapple with the absurdity of life, the nature of reality, truth, consciousness, and the hard problems that perplex humanity. Here to add a healthy dose of humor, wit, and wisdom to this week’s inquiry is one of my favorite humans, Pete Holmes.”
Pete Holmes is nearly impossible to define — but I know he’s hilarious, sincere, vulnerable, and wise in ways most well-known people don’t show
Lessons on motivation from the odd friendship of Maslow and Frankl / Smartbrief
“Maslow’s willingness to embrace self-transcendence over self-actualization gives me hope for a world that sometimes needs reminding that we experience our greatest joy when we rise above our self-interests to serve and improve the welfare of others.”
Maslow and Frankl are giant names in psychology, so it was fun to hear about their interactions and influence on one another. I think this read will be interesting to anyone, regardless of their familiarity with the two psychologists.
Mary Oliver on the Measure of a Life Well Lived and How to Maximize Our Aliveness / The Marginalian (formerly Brain Pickings)
“I know, you never intended to be in this world.
But you’re in it all the same.
So why not get started immediately.
I mean, belonging to it.
There is so much to admire, to weep over.
And to write music or poems about.”
The 4 Types of Luck / Sahil Bloom’s newsletter
“As a useful rule of thumb for your journey, always consider my Luck Razor:
When choosing between two paths, always choose the path that has a larger luck surface area.”
The Power of Wonder / The Psychology Podcast with Scott Barry Kaufman
“In this episode, I talk to Monica Parker about the power of wonder. In today’s fast-paced world, most people fail to notice the richness of life. To become more wonder-prone, Monica encourages us all to slow down and pursue meaningful exploration.”
I keep thinking about this conversation and know I’ll be coming back for additional listens. Who doesn’t want to have more wonder in their life?
We've Lost So Much. Let's Not Lose Our Damn Minds - Rabbi Sharon Brous / IKAR Podcasts
“After the atrocities in Israel on Simhat Torah, among the worst in Jewish history, we must remember the healing power of community…”
A coworker shared this with me and it is powerful, human, and challenging in some very necessary ways.
Let It Be / McCartney: A Life in Lyrics
It’s Paul McCartney talking about his music in podcast form. Why wouldn’t you listen to every single episode?
Reid Hoffman — AI, and What It Means to Be (More) Human / On Being
“Beyond the hype and the doom, what is this new technology calling us to as human beings? What is our agency to shape it to human purpose, and how might it bring us — literally — to our senses?”
A 30k foot-view conversation about AI and the human condition. Thoughtful and considered with someone who is very much on the optimistic side without being naive.
This dispatch was written to music, including the 2021 Sarah Jarosz album, Blue Heron Suite. Track 2, “Morning,” is the sound of my morning alarm right now.